Reclusive

You ever get the feeling of emptiness inside? Where everything is still taking place, in routine and order amidst the chaos and there you are, standing. Standing still. You are fixed, more like glued to your feet. You want to take a step. A step toward any direction. Right or left, it doesn't matter. Forward or backward, also doesn't matter. As long as you're able to move. That feeling of being paralyzed in a whirlpool of emotions and unwanted communication. Stuck in the dirt of peoples secrets. Mounted above their hidden smiles. You want to be able to live, but you just don't know how. 

Instead, you are standing still while the constant flow of people walk in and out of bustling crowded trains. Instead, you sit on the lush green grass, while children play and laugh merrily amongst the beautiful bees and butterflies. Instead, you walk through the swarm of athletes sprinting their life away, without actually realizing that life is indeed a marathon, and not a 100 meter race. 

In reality, you have all these desires to be free. Without a care. Without being bound or tied down to anyone or anything. Somewhat detached, somewhat carefree. Either way, you feel fastened tight to the ground, without life. With this, you find multiple ways to remove yourself from the equation and discover the true meaning of your being. So you tend to try different activities and methods to break out of this lifeless rut. 

Perhaps take a painting class? Start collecting magnets? Ah, I know. Travel around the world. Or maybe switch jobs? Whatever it is, you've tried it. But nothing seems to work. What do you do now? You keep pushing. You keep moving forward. You continuously thrive. Because you know what? One day, you will find it. It could be a hobby, a new adventure, a new partner, a new life and one fine day, the old mask will fall off. You will be able to experience a new life. That particular thing will bring life to you. And into you. And the day it does, don't stop. Continue with what makes you feel content and full of light. Whatever it may be or whoever it may be. It will come. I promise you, the day you find whatever it is that is searching for you and vice versa, that will be the day you will be in flow with the moving bustling crowds in trains. You will want to play among the children in lavish parks and you will find a way to partake in your very own marathon. 

: _miss.sajhwani