The Three C's

She walked through the thousands of people crossing paths with her. Aware of her surroundings, she tried to feel the energies stimulating her. The energies interacted with each other, sending out mixed signals. What was her energy like? No one had ever told her. She wanted to know so badly. Could anyone tell her?

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You ever get the feeling of emptiness inside? Where everything is still taking place, in routine and order amidst the chaos and there you are, standing. Standing still. You are fixed, more like glued to your feet. You want to take a step. A step toward any direction. Right or left, it doesn't matter. Forward or backward, also doesn't matter. As long as you're able to move. That feeling of being paralyzed in a whirlpool of emotions and unwanted communication. Stuck in the dirt of peoples secrets. Mounted above their hidden smiles. You want to be able to live, but you just don't know how. 

Instead, you are standing still while the constant flow of people walk in and out of bustling crowded trains. Instead, you sit on the lush green grass, while children play and laugh merrily amongst the beautiful bees and butterflies. Instead, you walk through the swarm of athletes sprinting their life away, without actually realizing that life is indeed a marathon, and not a 100 meter race. 

In reality, you have all these desires to be free. Without a care. Without being bound or tied down to anyone or anything. Somewhat detached, somewhat carefree. Either way, you feel fastened tight to the ground, without life. With this, you find multiple ways to remove yourself from the equation and discover the true meaning of your being. So you tend to try different activities and methods to break out of this lifeless rut. 

Perhaps take a painting class? Start collecting magnets? Ah, I know. Travel around the world. Or maybe switch jobs? Whatever it is, you've tried it. But nothing seems to work. What do you do now? You keep pushing. You keep moving forward. You continuously thrive. Because you know what? One day, you will find it. It could be a hobby, a new adventure, a new partner, a new life and one fine day, the old mask will fall off. You will be able to experience a new life. That particular thing will bring life to you. And into you. And the day it does, don't stop. Continue with what makes you feel content and full of light. Whatever it may be or whoever it may be. It will come. I promise you, the day you find whatever it is that is searching for you and vice versa, that will be the day you will be in flow with the moving bustling crowds in trains. You will want to play among the children in lavish parks and you will find a way to partake in your very own marathon. 

: _miss.sajhwani

100 Questions

With a little time to spare at work, thought I'd do this. I enjoy doing these kind of Q and A things - straightforward and honest answers only.

1. Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic? - Optimistic
2. What would you change about yourself if you could? - My sudden bursts of anger that comes and goes
3. What apps do you use most often? Instagram, QuizUp and Snapchat
4. What's the nicest compliment you've ever received? " You make my heart happy."
5. If you were a color, what would you be? Green
6. What three things could you not live without? Food, Music and Adventure.
7. What was the last argument you had about? About being truthful and honest about feelings
8. How did you meet your best friend? at GSIS, my boarding school.
9. Do you have any collections? Yes, I collect magnets.
10. What would you never want to change? My integrity
11. What are your favorite words? My 3 favorite words all start with F; food, fuck and faith.
12. Do you think everything will work out for the best? I sure hope so.
13. Who did you last say "I love you" to? Lord Shiva
14. What word (or sound) makes you cringe? When a guy calls me babe - it's a huge turn off. Reminds me of the movie, Babe.
15. Do you always finish work on time? Yes
16. Where did you take your first vacation? USA
17. Funniest person you know? Pooja
18. Do you read your horoscope? Only the personality traits of my sign
19. If you could be an emoji, what would you be? The sun emoji
20. How do you react to criticism? I'm quite sensitive so it's all about the way someone criticizes me. If you say it right and explain why, I'll listen.
21. Would you rather be too hot or too cold? Cold
22. Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Spirits yes - have experienced it.
23. How long does it take you to get ready? About 30 minutes
24. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes
25. Is there someone that you miss? I miss my best friend who doesn't live in the same country as me.
26. Do you regret anything you've done? Not anymore - you choose what you do so you shouldn't regret it later on.
27. Would you live in a book/film if you could? BOOK
28. How would you prefer to die? In my sleep.
29. What do you think people notice about you first? My smile? You tell me.
30. Who knows you better than anyone? Manu
31. What one word describes how you're feeling right now? Sleepy
32. Are you often early, on time, or late? ......depends - I'm always on time for my interviews but with friends slightly more lenient.
33. What scares you the most? Love
34. Would you go back in time if you could? Yes. I would have done things differently
35. Do you believe in yourself? Yes most of the time.
36. When was the last time you had a passionate kiss? Not too long ago
37. Is it easier for you to forgive or to forget? I forgive but I NEVER forget
38. Who is the most intelligent person you know? My mother/Sonali/Parth/Rajat
39. What was/is your best school subject? French and English
40. What's the most important quality in a partner? Intelligence and Humor
41. Are you in love right now? No - haven't been in over 2 years
42. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes but not on purpose.
43. Do you enjoy playing board or video games? Board games
44. Who cares a lot about you? My family
45. How would you spend a million dollars? Charity first, then use it to travel. Leftover money goes to buying my family whatever they've dreamed of buying.
46. What was the last dream you can recall about? I was cage diving in Gansbaai - reality soon.
47. Who was the last person who saw you cry? I don't cry in front of people TOO often but I'd have to say Sonali.
48. Do you give second chances? Depends - if they cheat on me then no.
49. What's the last thing you did before bed last night? Prayed for strength
50. Which was the best year of your life? Lots - GSIS year 11 and last year was pretty good.
51. How do you feel about being naked? I think sleeping naked is super comfortable.
52. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes. Although often, I wish I knew the reason.
53. Could you live as a hermit? I'd like to.
54. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Lol, no. Not hard at all.
55. How do you feel when you wake up? Sleepy.
56. Is dishonesty ever okay? No. I think dishonesty is a turn off in friendships or relationships.
57. Do you believe in love at first sight? No but I believe in lust at first sight.
58. What's your current relationship status? Pizza loves me and I love pizza.
59. Are you religious? Spiritual? Religious
60. Who did you last have a deep conversation with? Simran
61. Do you like your name and/or nickname? I like when people call me Lari - makes me all warm inside.
62. To get to know you, what should someone read, watch, or listen to? Read my blog and listen to chillstep music.
63. What qualities do you admire in others? Honesty, Patience and Loyalty. Oh and trustworthiness.
64. How would you spend your ideal day? At Ocean Park - animals and rides? What more could I want?
65. What five things do you spend the most time doing? Overthinking, Writing, Talking, Watching documentaries and going on Instagram.
66. What is the last song you heard? Alone No More - Philip George and Anton Powers
67. When did you last laugh really, really hard? Not too long ago, a day after my birthday. I went out with a close friend and he made me laugh so hard that my I felt like I had invisible abs - and water gushed out of my nose.
68. Do you feel your outside appearance fairly represents the real you? No not at all.
69. What is one of your favorite quotes? "What goes around comes around."
70. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? Singapore/ New York/ Turkey
71. What's the nicest thing you've ever done? Write a book so I can sell it and collect money for an old aged home.
72. Do you wish on stars, lucky numbers, eyelashes? No
73. What's your biggest pet peeve? Disrespectful people, People who treat animals poorly, people who slurp their soup or tea - to name a few.
74. How did you celebrate your last birthday? Dinner and drinks - the usual but it was one of the best birthdays.
75. What age have you most enjoyed being?16-19
76. Why do you love your favorite author or musician? It gives me the feels. If you know what I mean. Words have a way of doing that.
77. How do you feel about technology? It's cool but I'm not one to obsess over it or jump to buy the latest things.
78. What season brings you the most joy? Autumn
79. Do you consider yourself detail-oriented? Yes.
80. What TV show did you like best as a kid? Tom and Jerry
81. Would you rather give a gift or receive a gift? Give.
82. Do you often make jokes? YES I love making the lamest jokes.
83. When did you last make a new friend? Saturday
84. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Doing what I love - being a teacher and being able to write a collection of my own poems.
85. Are you looking forward to something right now? Yes, to Bangkok. More importantly, for next year to start.
86. Which website do you visit most often? OMG Facts
87. Do you match the traits of your zodiac sign? YES very closely in fact.
88. Are you afraid of the dark? No
89. What is the most trouble you've gotten into? Well getting my love letters caught at school. It was a big thing back then.
90. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? To have actually studied for my IB exams - who knows where I could have been right now?
91. Would you rather give up TV or the internet? TV
92. Have you changed a lot in the last decade? Yes I have.
93. If you could have any talent, what would it be? To be able to heal people who are broken emotionally or physically.
94. What's the most painful loss you've experienced? The death of my Dadi
95. When were you last embarrassed? When I told a lady off for cutting my taxi queue but she looked back saying that's the taxi I just called for using the app.
96. Would you like to be famous? Yes but for my novel in the future that I intend on writing.
97. Do you often sing in the shower? All the time - surprised I don't have my own album yet
98. If you could see your future, would you want to? YES of course - I'd love to know.
99. What is your earliest memory?When I was 4 years old - and I performed at my kindergarten school stage as a bumble bee.
100. What are you most grateful for in your life? I complain about certain things but I am so grateful that I have proper functioning body parts. I am grateful that I have a house, a job and enough food to eat. I am most of grateful that I found God.

Xo,
Larisha

Pocket of Secrets

Whisper into the crevasses of my jaws

Into my earlobes and breathe down my neck

Approach me and break all the laws

Feel the turning of our movements

Experience the tremor through my touch

While we fly to the galaxies

Naked embodiments in a tight clutch

Let me spill it all over you, my secrets. 

Every percussion, every stroke

Triggered me into a state of being broke.

I wanted nothing more but to be woke.

No inhibitions when cement walls transform into sheer sheets of desire.

                                                                                                                                                          ---

Carelessly, scattering my secrets around

Stop. Stop this ludicrousness and bossing around

Spectators analyzing, halt this clowning around.

Hushed voices and private rubs on my legs surfacing up from the ground. 
Nobody knew. Nobody asked. Nobody mentioned.

I was your pocket full of secrets. 

- Miss Sajhwani

Sunsets and Sages

Smoky haze of purple and gold clouds

Overpowering the tall shrouds

Murky waters lurking around the town

Humans on the pavement full of frowns.

Large paintbrushes skipping across the canvas sheets

An army of feathered friends swooping in a fleet

Sunbeams splintering through the atmosphere

City lights dimming as they near a tear.

Flickering forces shaded a dark orange and pink

The large ball of red making its debut to sink

Smoldering hearts full of desire

In a bright aching fire

Intertwining nerve cells with my sage

Envisioning the vast world as our own stage

Sipping hand in hand the poisoned potion

As the dimly lit burst of flame took its position

Savoring my sage, we slithered all night in full motion. 

- Larisha Sajhwani

Combustion

I carefully placed my hands across my lap as I sat myself down across the table from her. I wanted to open my mind wide to her. I really wish she was a mind-reader. All those memories and those moments to be conjured into her pretty little head, that's all I wanted again. I slowly lifted my eyes and glanced at her through my long eyelashes. She had no idea I was watching her. Intensely. Gazing. Grazing her face, her body, her mind all through my eyes. I could feel the lingering sense of touch with just a glance. Her fragrance filled my heart with warmth. Her perfume was a mix of sweet honey with a dash of cinnamon and spice ; exactly what I felt about her. She was too occupied in her own world. She looked ethereal as she slid her fingers across the items, slowly, very slowly. She seemed distant. Why wasn't she on the same page as me? 

"Sweetheart, what would you like to order?" I whispered across. I inched closer but she retreated.

She didn't even look up. She just pointed carelessly. Something was definitely wrong. Something had changed, but what? Why was she so distant? It was almost as if she was in a different world altogether. I knew I had lost her. Not just tonight, but forever. She looked away and all I could see were her dead eyes. I knew that this wasn't her. Whenever I have laid my eyes on her, she had a sparkle. She had a smile that could fill any cracked heart. She was that light that shone through the open cuts of my heart. She brought me joy and laughter and she was the only one who could. But why was she being so distant? She barely even complimented my new haircut let alone my new scent. 

She used to always;

Embrace me multiple times to stitch my pieces back together.

Stare at me and lusciously smack her lips.

Giggle so loud that everyone around us would give us dirty stares.

Playfully run her fingers through my hair. 

Dance in the middle of the streets with her arms raised above her head.

Flip her hair through the wind, gazing at me simultaneously. 

Talk to me through the magical touch of our lips.

Touch my soul without laying a hand on me. 

It made me so weak. I couldn't show it to her but every damn time she did these things, I melted. 

So why was she so distant?

I wanted to hold her so badly. I wanted to hug her and squeeze her tight till I could transmit all the light she used to have, into me. Share it with me babe, give me that same radiance you once used to. I need it, please. You keep me sane. Please don't let go now. Sometimes, I used to imagine us like fire and petrol. Separately, we are significant but together, when we infuse, we create magic. Enough combustion to light up the entire city. 

Come closer. Just one last time. I promise this time I won't let go. 

- Larisha Sajhwani

Ps: Every piece of writing on my blog is purely for pleasure. It has no resemblance or relevance to any person or situation in particular. Thank you.

 

Devil

Have you met the devil?

Are you referring to the one with red horns and a heart dripping with sin?

Have you met the devil?

You mean the one who is the personification of vice and temptation?

I’ve met the devil.

The one who approaches their victim with smooth sailing words.

The one who enchants you as everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

The one who allows your heart to beat faster than the allowed average rate.

I have met the devil.

Have you met the devil?

Is it the one who throws you off balance?

Have you met the devil?

You mean the one who fabricates lies in the form of debauchery?

Yes, I have. I have met the devil.

The one who flatters and lusts, drawing you in without hardships.

The one who arrives in the form of everything you’ve ever wanted.

Yes, that’s the one. The devil. I have shaken bodies with the devil.

Ps: All the prose and poetry posted on my blog has no relevance to any person/situation in particular. I just merely enjoy writing for my own pleasure. Thank you.